Nice To See You, Deer

Some people like to mount beasts on their walls, whether heads of beasts such as deer or bear, or entire beast bodies such as fish.

Is that a real bird caught in photogenic flight outside that window, or is that one of those bird stickers that keep the splatters away? Maybe it's a mobile. See what looks like two fishes on the windowsill below the bird? Maybe they're in the mobile too. Maybe I'm just batsh*t crazy. This whole scene is loaded with eye-f*cks.

There's something a little odd about the placement of the deer head in this living room. It's like he just popped in to make your acquaintance and eat your houseplants, and look what you did: sealed him into the wall.

To make matters even worse, the wall portrait is an eye-f*ck onto itself. I think the subject consists of horses being ridden by jockeys, but there's a head in the middle of the painting that looks like a goat or dog looking out at you. What the hell? Maybe it's just my monitor and my aged eyes.

Finally, if you don't have the trophy yet to mount above your mantel, mount the promise of a trophy to come: